False Secrets
by HermioneMaggieJareau
Summary: Erin Strauss gets bored one day and decides to have each team member reveal a secret about their team mates. But what she hears from each member will shock her.
1. Chapter 1

Description: Erin Strauss gets bored one day and decides to have each team member tell a secret about their team mates. But what she hears from each member will shock her.

This is my very first fanfiction, so it's probably not that great, but I hope you enjoy it. :)

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing in this story. The characters are not mine. They belong to someone else. No copyright intended.

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"Confession is always weakness. The grave soul keeps its own secrets, and takes its own punishment in silence." -Dorthy Dix.

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Chapter One

It's Wednesday morning and Erin Strauss is in her office, talking to herself about ways to get information on Hotch and his team. But unknown to her, the seven members are right outside the door listening.

"Man, I really hate Hotch and his team. They're always getting in my way of things." Erin Strauss said, talking to herself as if there were someone in the room with her.

Meanwhile outside the office…

Reid, Garcia, and Morgan are trying to listen to what Strauss is saying, when Prentiss and JJ catches them.

"What are you three doing?" JJ asked.

They were all too busy to turn around and face the two women who walked in, but Reid did speak to them. "Oh, hi JJ and Prentiss. You're not going to believe this, but Strauss is in there talking to herself."

"Hmm… Wouldn't surprise me. I always knew that bitch was crazy. So what is she talking about?" Prentiss asked.

"By what we're hearing, we believe she's trying to come up with a plan to get information on the seven of us." Garcia said.

After Garcia had said that, JJ and Prentiss were now interested in what Strauss was planning.

"Move it or lose it." JJ said as she and Prentiss made their way into the group. During the process, Prentiss accidently stepped on Morgan's foot.

"Prentiss, for the love of my foot, please get off it." Morgan painfully said.

"Sorry, gee for a man who works out a lot, you sound like a girl when your foot gets stepped on." Prentiss jokingly said.

While they are listening to Strauss talk to herself, Rossi and Hotch sneaks up behind them.

"What are you guys doing?" Hotch asked.

"Listening to Strauss talk to herself." Reid answered.

"You all do realize that eavesdropping is wrong, right?" Rossi asked.

"Yeah, Yeah whatever. And you do realize that it's wrong to wear a stuffed bra, right?" Prentiss rudely asked.

Rossi seemed to be a fit confused about what Prentiss just told him, until he realized she made a mistake.

"Uh, Prentiss that wasn't me. That was the unsub that we caught a week ago."

"Well, he looked exactly like you!"

"No he didn't! He was an Asian male, who was slightly overweight!"

"Will you two keep your voices down? We're trying to listen to what Strauss is saying! This could be very important information for us!" Hotch hissed through his teeth.

Shocked and surprise by Hotch's reaction, Prentiss and Rossi stopped arguing and joined the group.

Back in Strauss' office…

Still talking to herself, Strauss is now up and spinning around in circles.

"There has got to be a way for me to get information on those seven idiots. I mean seriously, how difficult can it be to get them to into trouble? Wait a minute, I know! I'll get each one of them to tell a secret about the others! I am a genius!" Strauss said with an evil laugh, before smacking face first into the wall.

"Thank God no one saw that. I really need to find a new hobby."

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End of chapter one. Please tell me what you thought. :)


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Nothing on here is mine.

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Chapter Two

After finding out what Strauss plans on doing, Hoch and his team come up with a plan of their own.

"I can't believe Strauss would do something like that." Morgan said in disbelief.

"Yeah, who knew she could be so evil?" Garcia wondered.

"Strauss is so evil; she makes the devil look like a saint." Prentiss chimed in.

"Well, your momma is so old, that when someone throws a rock at her, she turns into sand." Reid said, laughing.

The room is filled with awkward silence, but Reid continues to laugh.

"Uh Reid, we're not telling "your momma jokes." We're talking about Strauss and her evil plan." JJ said.

"Really? Well why didn't you say so?" Reid asked.

Because we thought you were listening at the door." Prentiss said.

"So that's what we were doing. I should have known." Reid said smacking his forehead.

Another silence fills the room.

"Okay moving on. I think we should give Strauss what she wants, but let's mix it up a bit." Hotch said.

"By mixing it up a bit, what do you mean?" Rossi asked curious.

"I mean that we should tell Strauss a secret about each other, but lie about it."

"So you want us to lie about each other?" Morgan asked.

"Yep, exactly. For instance, I don't want Strauss knowing that I have 37 traffic tickets. So instead of telling her that, make something up."

"What the hell did you do to get that many tickets?" Prentiss asked.

"Well, I ran twelve red lights, nine stop signs, backed into a cop car five times, went over the speed limit seven times, drove backwards down the high way twice, drove on the side walk, and had a busted tail light out."

The team was shocked and speech less.

"Wow that is a lot of crimes committed." Garcia said in amazement.

"I agree, but like I said, Strauss is to never find out about this, right?" Hoch asked.

"We agree." The team replied.

"Alright, so is there anything you all don't want Strauss to know about each of you?"

The team began to think for a few minutes.

"Uh, yeah. I really don't want her knowing that I beat up a 16 year old girl when I was 12." JJ said.

"I don't want her knowing that I spiked the punch at my senior prom." Morgan said.

"I cheated on a test, during the 9th grade. So I really don't want Strauss to know about that." Garcia said.

"I stole $5000.00 from my next door neighbor, when I was ten." Reid admitted.

"I hope she never finds out that I stole a $75000.00 painting in a museum." Prentiss warned.

"And I don't want her to find out that I kidnapped my grandmother's cat and held it for ransom." Rossi said.

Hoch was shocked with what he just heard.

"Wow, you people must have been desperate."

"Yeah, says the guy with 37 traffic tickets." Reid said, sarcastically.

"Whatever, now let's all prepare to tell lies about one another. And make sure they're believable."

End of chapter two. Please tell me what you thought. :)


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I only own one thing in this chapter, and that is the "stripper" name. Well actually my sister own's half of the name because she picked the first half of the name, and the second half of the name is mine. Everything else is not mine.

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Chapter 3

Reid is Strauss' first victim to reveal a secret about each team mate.

"Agent Reid, welcome to my office. Please have a seat." Strauss said as Reid nervously walked in.

"Good Afternoon, ma'am." Reid politely said.

"Do you know why you're here?"

"No, not really." Reid lied.

"Alright, then. You're here because I want you to tell me a secret about each of your team mates. Do you understand?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good now let's get started. First of all tell me something about Aaron Hotchner."

Reid thought about what he would say about Hoch for a few moments.

"Umm… Well, when he's not working for the B.A.U., he's a stripper at a night club. And his name is… "_Mr. Hotness on fire_". Reid said in a singing voice.

After hearing this, Strauss nearly choked on the coffee she was drinking.

"Are you serious?"

"In all the years you have known me, have I ever lied to you?" Reid asked in a convincing tone.

"Well, no I don't believe you have ever lied to me about anything."

"So to answer your question then, yes I am serious. Now who's the next lucky victim?"

Strauss thought for a few moments about who she wants to get information on.

"Let's go with Penelope Garcia this time."

"She usually pours alcohol into the cup of coffee she drinks every morning."

Strauss nearly fell out of her seat when Reid told her this.

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yes, I'm sure. I've seen her do it."

"But Garcia doesn't seem to be the type of person to do that."

"Well, why do you think she's always happy all the time?"

Strauss thought about that for a few minutes.

"Well, that does explain a lot of things." Okay, now tell me something about Jennifer Jareau."

"She dresses her son Henry, in girls' clothes and enters him in child beauty pageants."

"Oh, that's terrible."

"You're telling me. I mean, seriously if JJ's going to put her son in girl's clothes, don't put him in a purple dress with red lipstick. He needs to match." Either go with the red dress and red lipstick or purple dress with purple lipstick." How the hell is he going to win the pageant when he doesn't even match?"

Strauss is now confused with Reid had just told her.

"Wait, are you saying that you agree with Agent Jareau about dressing her son in girl's clothes?" Strauss asked with a look of concern in her eyes."

"Mrs. Strauss, how do you feel about people who dress their pets in clothes?"

"Well, I think…

Before Strauss could finish what she was saying, Reid interrupted her.

"Exactly, it's embarrassing for the animal to be seen out in public all dressed up. So to answer your question, no I don't agree with JJ. I just wish she would match the kid's outfit with the same color of lipstick."

"Umm… Okay moving on. Could you please tell me something about Derek Morgan?"

"Sure can. He plays with dolls."

"You're kidding!" Strauss said laughing.

No, he really does." Reid said also laughing.

Unknown to Strauss, Reid is not only laughing about what he said about Morgan, but also about the fact that she believes every word he tells her.

"Who would have ever thought, someone like Morgan would spend his free time playing with dolls?"

"I know. That's the same question I asked myself when I found out about it, a couple of weeks ago."

The laughter continued for a few more minutes until it ended, and Strauss was ready to know more secrets.

"Alright, let's hear something on David Rossi." Strauss said.

"He loves prank calling people."

Really, what kind of prank calls does he use?"

"Oh, the typical ones, like, "your car's on fire."

Hmm… I don't suppose I've heard that one before."

_"Why would anyone want to prank call you?" Reid thought to himself._

"Well, I guess you could tell something about Emily Prentiss now." Strauss said.

"Sometimes when we're all in another town, working a case, she'll throw a fit, if we don't stop at a store and buy her something."

"I can't believe anyone at that age would still be throwing fits." Strauss said, shocked.

"You do have to realize that her mother was an ambassador. So that could explain why she throws fits all the time. She's use to getting what she wants."

"Yeah, you're right about that. Well, thank you for being here, Spencer Reid. You may go now."

"You're welcome, and thank you for having me here. Have a nice day ma'am."

As soon as Reid was out the door, he was crowded by his fellow team members.

"So what'd you tell her?" Morgan asked.

"I told her what she wanted. A secret about each of you."

Thinking that Reid had told Strauss what he wasn't supposed to, everyone began to freak out.

"Oh my God. He told her what we told him not to tell her." Garcia said.

"I knew this was going to happen." Rossi said.

"Great, we're gonna lose our jobs now." Morgan said.

"There goes my raise." JJ said.

"Never trust a nerd." Prentiss said.

"Reid, you're fired." Hoch said.

"Whoa, how dumb do you all think I am?" Reid asked.

The whole team stared at him.

"Wait, don't answer that. Before you all rudely interrupted me, I was going to tell you what I told Strauss."

"Sorry Reid. Go ahead and tell us what you told her." Rossi said.

"Well, Hoch is a stripper named "_Mr. Hotness on Fire"_, Garcia pours alcohol into her coffee, JJ dresses Henry up in girls clothes and enters him in beauty pageants, Morgan plays with dolls, Rossi loves prank calling people, and Prentiss throws a fit every time we don't stop at a store and buy her something."

The team was shocked at what Reid had just told them.

"So did she believe it?" Hoch asked.

"Yep, every word of it." Reid said.

The team breathed a sigh of relief.

"Alright Reid, you got your job back. Great work." Hoch said.

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Okay so that's the end of chapter three. Please tell me what you thought. :)


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I only own the names of the five children in this chapter. Everything else belongs to someone else.

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Chapter 4

JJ is Strauss' next victim to tell secrets.

"Agent Jareau, welcome to my office. Please have a seat."

"Thank you ma'am." JJ said as she sat down.

"You're welcome. Now do you know why you're here?"

JJ pretended to be thinking for a few moments.

"Um… no not really, unless I did something wrong."

"Of course you didn't do anything wrong. You're here because I need you to tell me something about each of your team members. Do you understand?"

"Yes, I understand. Who should I tell you about first?"

Strauss thought for a few moments.

"Hmm… Tell me something about Spencer Reid."

"His bedroom wall is covered in posters of Disney Princesses."

"Wow, now that is shocking to hear." Strauss said, surprised.

"Yeah, I know. Sometimes I think Reid is actually a girl."

"Well if you keep dressing your son in girl's dresses, everyone's going to think he's a girl." Strauss thought to herself.

"Okay, what can you tell me about Emily Prentiss?" Strauss asked.

"Well, she once posed as you and fired a few people here."

A look of anger had crossed Strauss' face.

"She did what?" Strauss angrily asked.

"I said, she once posed as you and fired a few people here!" JJ shouted, thinking Strauss didn't hear her the first time.

Strauss nearly jumped out of her seat when JJ shouted at her.

"There is no need to shout Miss Jareau. I am right here." Strauss calmly said.

"Well, there's also no need for you to show your horrifying face to the public." JJ thought to herself.

"Sorry ma'am. " JJ said.

"That's alright. Now please tell me something about Aaron Hotchner."

JJ thought for a few seconds before she revealed Hotch's secret.

"He screams like a girl, when he sees a mouse."

Strauss couldn't believe what she just heard.

"I'm sorry, but did you just say Hotch screams like a girl, when he sees a mouse?"

"Yep, I sure did. I mean who would have thought, for someone who rarely shows any emotions, Hotch freaks out over a little mouse."

"I know. I'm just in total shock over it. I don't know what to say about that."

"The team and I found out about this, when we we're celebrating Jack's second birthday. A mouse ran past Hotch's feet and the next thing we hear is a high pitched scream. We thought it was Haley, but it was actually Hotch. Haley was the one who caught the mouse." JJ said.

"Wow, well I guess you could tell me something about Derek Morgan."

"Alright, well not many people know this, but he has five kids by four different women."

Strauss' heart skipped a few beats.

"Are you serious? I mean did he tell you this?"

"Yes, I'm sure. In fact, I'm the only one who knows about it."

"Why hasn't he told anyone else about these children of his?"

"Because he doesn't trust the other team mates. I mean he trusts them with most other information he gives us, but he only trust me with this information."  
"Oh, okay. So what are their names?"

JJ thought of some fake names for a moment.

"Well, Derek Jr. and Dereka were born on February 19, 2001. Those two are twins. Then there's Dante, who was born on July 30, 2003. On September 3, 2006, Desmond was born. And finally on January 25, 2010, Destiny was born."

"Wow that last one was just recently. How did he manage to keep them all a secret?" Strauss asked.

"Oh, he's pretty good at keeping secrets. He's the only one on the team who knows how to keep a secret." JJ said.

"That's seems interesting. Well, moving on. What can you tell me about Penelope Garcia?"

"Well, you know how Garcia is always happy and nice to everyone?"

"Yes, Garcia has been known for that. Why do you ask?"

"Don't ever try to steal her style because she once punched a girl for trying to steal "her style." JJ said, using air quotes for those last two words.

"Oh my god. I never thought Penelope could be so violent."

"And I never thought Barbie and Ken would burn up in that easy bake oven that I got for Christmas when I was seven. Boy did they prove me wrong." JJ said.

"I guess I just don't know Penelope Garcia that well. Wait, did you just say you burnt Barbie and Ken in an easy bake oven?" Strauss asked, confused.

"Yes, ma'am, but that's a different story for another time. Here I'll tell you something about David Rossi."

"Oh, alright then. Go ahead."

"Rossi believes he's a leprechaun, and is convinced that someone is trying to steal his gold."

"Why would he think that?"

"I really have no idea. We tried to tell him it's not possible, but he just won't listen."

"But is someone really trying to steal his money?"

"Nah, he just forgets what he does with it."

"Well alright then. You can go now, Miss Jareau. Thanks for being here."

"You're welcome ma'am, and thank you."

Just like Reid, as soon as JJ stepped out the door, she was crowded by her team members.

"So what happened in there?" Garcia asked.

"Same thing that happened with Reid. I told Strauss a secret about each of you."

Once again, the team began freaking out again. They thought JJ told Strauss their real secrets.

"Oh no, this isn't good." Rossi said.

"JJ, how could you?" Prentiss said.

"This is the worst thing you have ever done, JJ." Reid said.

"We're all going to lose our jobs, now." Garcia said.

"Small town people will always stab you in the back at some point." Morgan said.

"I thought you agreed that we wouldn't share our real secrets with Strauss." Hotch said.

"Wow, you guys just love jumping at the wrong conclusions." JJ said.

The team just stared at her like she was some deformed monster.

"Okay, I was going to tell you what I told Strauss, but no, you all had to interrupt me, like you did with Reid. And I can't believe you were part of it." JJ said, pointing at Reid.

"Sorry JJ, but you also accused me of telling your secret earlier." Reid announced.

"Reid, this isn't a place to wine. JJ, we're all sorry. Go ahead and tell us what you told Strauss." Hotch said.

"Alright, Reid's bedroom wall is decorated in Posters of Disney Princesses, Prentiss once posed as Strauss and fired a few people, Hotch screams like a girl when he sees a mouse, Garcia once punched a girl for trying to steal "her style," Rossi thinks he's a leprechaun, and congratulations Morgan, you're the father of five children."

The team breathed a sigh of relief.

"I knew we could trust you." Morgan said.

JJ just rolled her eyes and said, "Yeah right."

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End of chapter four. Please tell me what you thought. :)


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, except for the false website that Garcia mentions.

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Chapter 5

Garcia is Strauss' third victim.

"Good Evening Miss Garcia, Please have a seat." Strauss politely said.

"Thank you ma'am. This is a lovely office." Garcia said as she sat down.

"Why thank you. Can I get you anything?"

"Oh, no thank you, but I'm just wondering. Why am I here?"

"Because I need you to reveal a secret about each of your team mates. Is that alright with you?"

"Yes ma'am. So whose secret do you want to know first?"

Strauss thought for a few seconds before revealing her first victim

"What can you tell me about Jennifer Jareau?"

"She shows up at parties, uninvited for free food." Garcia said.

"Oh, that is very rude for someone to do." Strauss said with a disgusted look on her face.

"Well, it's also rude for you to ask these damn questions." Garcia thought to herself.

"I know ma'am. We all tried to tell her, but she refused to listen."

"How would she like it if someone showed up at one of her parties, uninvited?"

"Oh, she said she wouldn't mind at all. As long as there's food for her."

"She really said that?" Strauss asked, shocked.

"Yes, ma'am." Garcia said silently laughing in her head.

Silence filled the room before Strauss broke the silence a few moments later.

"Well, let's move on now. I need you to tell me something about David Rossi."  
"He pays someone else to write his books for him."

Strauss couldn't believe what she just heard.

"Garcia, are you telling me that Rossi did not write any of those books he claims to have written?"

"Yes, I am. He says since he has all that money, why let it all go to waste?"

"But why would he take all the credit?"

"Because he says it was his idea for the books."

"Well, alright then. I guess that kind of makes sense." Strauss said with doubt in her voice.

"I guess it does too." Garcia said in agreement.

"Is there anything you can tell me about Emily Prentiss?" Strauss asked

Garcia thought for a few seconds before answering.

"Yes, there is something I can tell you about Emily Prentiss. She orders a Happy Meal at McDonald's, instead of an adult meal."

"Are you serious? Why would she do that?" Strauss asked in amazement.

"Okay to answer your first question, yes I am serious. And to answer your second question, she thinks she deserves to have every McDonald's toy ever made."

"Has she ever ordered the adult meal?"

"She ordered an adult meal one time. Which was a terrible mistake."

"Why what happened?"

"She threatened to sue the company if they didn't put a toy with her meal."

"Wow, alright then. What can you tell me about Aaron Hotchner?"

"He digs holes in his next door neighbor's backyard and blames their dog."

"Oh my God. You have got to be kidding me." Strauss shockingly said.

"Does it look like I'm kidding?" Garcia asked.

"No, but hasn't the neighbors caught on, yet?"

"Nope, do you mind if we move on to your next victim?" Garcia asked, pretending to be a little uncomfortable.

"Of course not. Is there anything you can tell me about Spencer Reid?"

"He believes the sandman is real and is out to get him."

"But I don't understand. He's a genius. Why would he believe in that kind of non sense?"

"Mrs. Strauss, you do have to realize that his father abandoned him, when he was a child."

"I forgot about that. Maybe that explains him believing in the sandman. It can be very unsettling for a child to see one of their parents walk out of their life."

"I agree. That is tough on a child."

"Hopefully, he'll get some help for his problems." Strauss worriedly said.

"We're trying to get him some help. I guess when he's ready, he'll get help." Garcia said.

"Now, can you tell me something about Derek Morgan?"

"His father is actually a Chinese man."

Strauss was shocked and confused at what she had just heard.

"Wait, how is that possible? He's black."

"Mrs. Strauss, did you know that it is a proven fact that when a white woman and Chinese man get together, their children will be black?"

"Are you absolutely certain that is a proven fact? Because I thought if a white woman and Chinese man had a child together, it would be Chinese-American."  
"Yes and if you don't believe me, you can check it out on the website; ." Garcia said, lying about the website.

"Hmm… I'll have to try that later today. Well, I'd like to thank you for being here, Miss Garcia."

"You're welcome and I'm glad I could help. Have a nice day, ma'am."

As soon as Garcia was out the door, her team mates rushed to her.

"Oh no. I think I'm stepping into the past." Garcia said.

"Alright, baby girl. Tell us what happened in there." Morgan said.

"Well, all I did was told her what each of you wanted me to tell her." Garcia said.

For the third time today, the team freaked out again.

"This can't be good." Hotch said.

"I know, I'm going to have to relocate to another location." Prentiss said.

"Garcia, you are going on my list of people not to trust." Morgan said.

"Time to join the mob." Rossi said.

"I guess I'm going to have to get a job teaching at the local high school" Reid said.

"I knew I should have never named you as Henry's Godmother." JJ said.

"Do you all think that before I'm voted off the team, I could explain what really happened in there?" Garcia sarcastically asked.

"I suppose that would be fair enough." Hotch said confused.

"Thank you Hotch. Now here's what I really told Strauss… JJ show up at parties uninvited, for food, Hotch digs holes in his neighbor's backyard, Rossi pays someone else to write his books for him, Morgan's father is actually a Chinese man, Reid believes the sandman is real and is out to get him, and Prentiss always orders a Happy Meal at McDonalds.

"Please tell me she believed every word of that." JJ said to Garcia.

"She believed every word." Garcia said smiling.

The team breathed a sigh of relief.

"Garcia, I think it's safe to say that you will not be voted off the team." Reid said.

"Oh thank God. There's no way I could ever work for another B.A.U. team."

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End of chapter five. Please tell me what you thought. Oh and by the way, the website that Garcia mentions is not a real website. :)


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I own nothing in this chapter.

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Chapter 6

Morgan is Strauss' fourth victim.

"Good evening Mr. Morgan. Please have a seat." Strauss said pointing to the chair in front of her desk.

"Thank you, ma'am, and good evening to you too." Morgan said as he sat down.

"Now do you have any idea why you are here?" Strauss asked.

Morgan pretended to be thinking for a few moments before answering Strauss' question.

"I'm sorry ma'am, but I have no idea why I'm here." Morgan said lying.

"That's alright. You're here because I need you to tell me a secret about each of your team mates. Can you do that?"

"What if I don't want to tell you anything about my team mates?"

"Well, then you'd probably lose your job."

Morgan stared at the floor for a few moments.

"Alright fine, I'll tell you. But if I lose any of my friends because of this, it's going to be all your fault. Got it?" Morgan asked pretending to be upset.

"Fair enough. Now what can you tell me about Penelope Garcia?"

"Every time when it rains, she fills up a bucket with mud and covers every floor in her house with it."

"Oh my God. Why would she do that for?" Strauss asked disgusted.

"Because she claims it gets rid of all the evil spirits in her home. Although there was this one time when I think she might have accidently scooped up something other than mud because the whole house had a terrible smell to it."

"Are there really evil spirits in her home?" Strauss asked concerned.

"No, she just always forgets that she leaves the television on. So technically, the "evil spirits" are from the television. Morgan told her.

"Oh, alright then. I was just wondering. What can you tell me about Spencer Reid?"

"He dresses up as Batman and runs around in the city screaming, "Batman to the rescue!" Then he stands on top of parked vehicles and attempts to fly off of them."

"You have got to be kidding me!" Strauss said laughing hysterically.

"No I'm serious. He really does do that." Morgan said beginning to laugh with Strauss.

"Have you got it on film yet?" Strauss asked continuing to laugh.

"No, I haven't yet. Every time he does it, I never have my camera with me."

_"I can't believe she's actually falling for all this crap. How the hell did she get a job here?"_ Morgan thought to himself.

"Well, when you get it on camera, you have to let me see it." Strauss said, going back to normal.

"Alright then, I will. So who's the next victim?" Morgan asked, also not laughing anymore.

Strauss began to think.

"Hmm… Could you tell me something about David Rossi?"

"Sure I can. He's afraid of butterflies."

Strauss was silent for a moment.

"Ma'am, are you alright?" Morgan asked, concerned.

"Yes, I'm fine. Why would Rossi be afraid of butterflies?" Strauss asked.

"Because he once had a nightmare, where this giant butterfly ate his face off. Ever since then, he's been scared to death of them."

"Wow, who would have thought anyone could be afraid of a harmless creature?" Strauss asked in amazement.

"I know, but there is no need to judge another person because of their strange phobias."

"I can agree with you on that. Now what can you tell me about Aaron Hotchner?"  
"When his brother Sean visits him, they both dress up as two of the Spice Girls and sing "Wannabe."

Once again, Strauss is laughing hysterically.

"Oh my God! Are you serious?" Strauss asked laughing.

"Yes, I'm serious!" Morgan said, also laughing.

"I never thought Hotch could do anything so hilarious."

"I didn't believe it either, until about a month ago when I walked into Hotch's house, and seen them both dressed up and singing."

"What did they do when they saw you?"

"They never saw me. I ran out the door, before they could even turn around and look. I was laughing the whole way home."

The laughing had stopped.

"I bet Hotch would have been embarrassed, if he knew you had seen them." Strauss said.

"He probably would have been. So who's next?" Morgan asked.

"Is there anything you can tell me about Emily Prentiss?"

"Whenever she receives her paycheck, she always asks for it in pennies."

"Why does she do that?" Strauss asked.

"Because she enjoys watching the bankers get pissed off, while counting the pennies out to her."

"Well, I think that seems kind of rude."

"I know. We all tried to tell her, but she always tells us to mind our own business."

"She seems like a spoiled brat to me. Moving on to our last victim. What can you tell me about Jennifer Jareau?" Strauss asked, tapping her pen on her desk.

"Reid is actually the father of Henry."

Strauss stopped tapping the pen and was shocked at what Morgan revealed to her.

"Are you absolutely certain about that?"

"Yeah, JJ even told me."

"When did she tell you?"

"About three months into her pregnancy, is when she told me."

"Has she ever had a DNA test done on Henry? Because Will may be his father, after all."

"Do you remember the day when Henry was born?"

Strauss thought for a few moments.

"Yes, I do. And as I recall, he was born about three weeks early." Strauss said.

"No he wasn't. He was born on time. JJ lied about him being born early." Morgan said.

"Well, who else knows about this?"

"The only people who know about this is me and JJ. And now you know."

"Things are getting crazy, here. Well, thanks for being here, Mr. Morgan. You are free to go now."

"You're welcome and thanks for having me here. Have a nice day ma'am." Morgan said as he walked out the door.

As before, Morgan is crowded by his team mates demanding to know what he told Strauss.

"So what did you tell her?" Garcia asked.

"Well, she wanted to know a secret about each of you. So I told her a secret about each of you."

Once again, the team jumps to the wrong conclusion.

"Oh, no. He did what he wasn't supposed to do." Prentiss said.  
"Our lives we be forever ruined." Rossi said.

"I can never show my face in public again." Hotch said.

"Looks like I'm going to have to lock myself in my own house for the rest of my life." Garcia said.

"Will and Henry will probably disown me, when the find out my secret." JJ said.

"Thanks a lot, Morgan. You ruined our friendship." Reid said.

"Wow, you people are so dramatic. You should all go into acting. Do you mind if I tell you exactly what I told her in there?" Morgan asked.

"You mean, you didn't reveal our real secrets?" Rossi asked confused.

"No, I lied to her."

"Oh, so what did you tell her?" Prentiss asked.

"Garcia covers every floor in her house with mud. Reid pretends to be batman. Rossi is afraid of butterflies. Hotch and his brother dress up as spice girls and sing, "Wannabe." Prentiss demands that her paycheck be given to her in pennies. And JJ revealed that Reid is the father of Henry."

"Did she believe you?" JJ asked.

"She believed me. I don't know how, but she did." Morgan said in amazement.

The team breathed a sigh of relief.

"You know Morgan, out of this whole team; you are my favorite black team mate." Reid said.

"Reid, I'm the only black guy on this team. Everyone else is white. And thanks for the compliment."

Reid looked at each of his team mates.

"Oh my God! You're right! I never realized that." Reid said.

"Sometimes, I think you're too smart, Reid." JJ said smiling.

"Well, thanks… Wait, what's that supposed to mean?" Reid asked confused.

"Nothing Reid. It's probably way over your head." JJ said smiling.

* * *

End of chapter six. Please tell me what you thought. Chapter seven will be up soon. :)


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I own nothing in this chapter. Except for the dog named Frisco.

* * *

Chapter Seven

Prentiss is Strauss' fifth victim.

"Good evening, Miss Prentiss. Please have a seat." Strauss said, as Prentiss walked in.

"Good evening to you too, ma'am. And thank you." Prentiss said as she sat down.

"Do you know why you're here?" Strauss asked, smiling.

"No, but do you know why I'm here?" Prentiss asked.

"I called you in here because I need you to tell me a secret about each of your team mates. Do you understand?"

"So let me get this straight. You need me to tell a secret about each of my team mates, right?" Prentiss asked.

"That is correct." Strauss said.

"Alright, then! Let's get started! I've always wanted to do this! Who's first?" Prentiss asked, pretending to be excited.

"What can you tell me about Derek Morgan?" Strauss asked, giving Prentiss a strange look.

"His six pack abs are actually painted on."

"Really? They looked real to me." Strauss asked surprised.

_"When the hell did you see Morgan with his shirt off?"_ Prentiss thought to herself.

"I know. I thought they were real too, until the day I caught him spray painting abs on his stomach." Prentiss said.

"I guess some things are not what they seem to be. Is there anything you can tell me about Aaron Hotchner?"

"There is a lot I can tell you about Hotch, but I'll only tell you one thing. Every time a store gets a new Barbie Doll on the shelves, he gets excited and starts jumping up and down, screaming."

"Really? I didn't know he was a fan of Barbie. Has Jack ever been with him, when he does that?"

"Oh, yes. Jack is with him every time he does it. Every time Hotch does it, Jack gets embarrassed and walks away."

"Does Hotch know that it embarrasses his son to see him do that?" Strauss asked concerned.

"Umm… No because no one has the heart to tell Hotch that his son is embarrassed by him over a Barbie Doll. So we just tell him that Jack had a very important business meeting with the store manager."

"And does he believe you guys?"

"All the time."

"Wow, this day keeps getting stranger. What can you tell me about David Rossi?" Strauss asked, taking a bite out of the donut she had ordered earlier.

"You know that Hannah Montana concert that's going to be in town, next week?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, it turns out that Rossi is a huge Hannah Montana fan, and bought every single ticket."

Strauss nearly choked on the donut when she heard what Prentiss said.

"Excuse me, but did you just say that Rossi bought every single ticket to the Hannah Montana concert?"

"Yep, those were my exact words."

"Why would he waste all his money on thousands of tickets to the same show?"

"I know. I'm not a fan of Hannah Montana either, but you can never take a person's love for something away from them."

"Okay… that's not what I meant. I meant to say that, there are probably children who wanted to see Hannah Montana next week. But since Rossi bought every ticket, then it's ruined for the children. Strauss said.

"Right… I knew you were going to say that. I was just trying to see if you could come up with a better answer, and you did! So who's next?" Prentiss asked, pretending to be embarrassed.

Strauss thought for a few moments.

"Tell me something about Jennifer Jareau."

"She covers Henry is green Paint."

"Why on earth would she do that?" Strauss asked, shocked.

"Because she always wanted an alien baby."

"Is she crazy or something?"

"Well, seeing that I have no idea what "or something" means, I'm going to have to go with crazy. Because if I choose "or something," then I'm going to look like an idiot. We wouldn't want that, would we?"

"No… I guess not." Strauss said, giving Prentiss a strange look.

"Good, I'm glad were on the same page here. How about I tell you something about Garcia?"

"Sure, what can you tell me about Penelope Garcia?"

Prentiss looked up at the ceiling and pretended to be thinking.

"Garcia has an imaginary dog, named Frisco." Prentiss said, looking at Strauss.

"Really, when did you find out about this?" Strauss asked, concerned.

"About three months ago, when I was at Garcia's home, visiting her."

"Well, what happened?"

"I was sitting in a chair, and Garcia was sitting on the couch, when all of a sudden, she said, "Frisco stop biting Emily's shoes!" I asked her who "Frisco" was, and she said that it's her pet dog. Then I told her I couldn't see him, and she told me to go have my eyes checked out because I must be blind."

"Then what happened?"

"I went to the eye doctor to have my eyes checked out. The doctor said my eyes are fine. Thanks for the concern, Mrs. Strauss." Prentiss happily said.

"Umm… You're welcome, I guess. Moving along to our final victim. What can you tell me about…"

"Wait, don't tell me! Let me guess. Is our last victim, Spencer Reid?" Prentiss asked, guessing.

"You are correct. So what can you tell me about Spencer Reid?" Strauss asked.

"He can quote every "chick flick" that has ever been made."

"He can quote all of them?"

"Yep, every single one."

"Why does he do that for?"

"Mrs. Strauss, if we can't figure why Reid does all the things he does, then I doubt we'd ever figure out why he quotes chick flicks."

"I guess you're right. Well, thanks for being here."

"You're welcome. So what did I win?" Prentiss asked, not getting up from her seat.

Strauss was now confused.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I did just reveal secrets about my team. And I was hoping to get a prize." Prentiss said.

"Oh, right. You get to leave my office. How does that kind of prize sound?" Strauss asked, hoping to get Prentiss out of her office soon.

"Well, to be honest with you. It sounds very cheap." Prentiss said, sounding disappointed.

"If I give you a $100.00, will you get out of here?" Strauss asked, holding up a $100 dollar bill.

"Deal, thank you!" Prentiss said, jumping out of her seat, grabbing the money and walking out of the office.

"Thank God, I got rid of her. I thought she would never leave." Strauss said to herself.

As soon as Prentiss stepped out of Strauss' office, she was crowded by her team mates.

"So, what happened in there?" JJ asked.

"Oh, we just ordered pizza and talked about the weather."

"Really?" All of Prentiss' team mates asked together.

"No, I'm just kidding. I told her a secret about each of you." Prentiss said, laughing.

Once again, the team goes into panic mode.

"Oh, my God. Not again." Rossi said.

"You're officially the face of evil." Garcia said.

"We treated you like family, when you first arrived here." JJ said.

"Of all the things we've done for you, this is how you thank us." Morgan said.

"I don't think your mother will be proud of you." Hotch said.

"Am I being punished because I didn't take the blame for being the FBI agent, when you and I were being held hostage in a church for 72 hours?" Reid asked.

"Wow, you guys have got to stop doing that. And no Reid, you're not being punished. Does anyone want to know what I really told Strauss?"

The team just stared at her.

"Okay, I'm going to take that as a yes. So, here's what I told her… Morgan's abs are fake. Hotch jumps up and down each time the store has a new Barbie Doll. Rossi bought every Hannah Montana ticket for next week's concert. JJ covers Henry in green paint. Garcia has an imaginary pet dog, named Frisco. And Reid can quote every chick flick movie."

"She believed you, right?" Garcia asked.

"Yep, and she gave me a hundred dollars."

The team breathed a sigh of relief.

"Wait, why did she give you a hundred dollars?" JJ asked.

"Well, Strauss claims that it was my prize, but I really think she just wanted to get rid of me." Prentiss said.

"Oh, okay then. I was just wondering." JJ said.

"Who wants something from the snack machine downstairs? I'm buying." Prentiss said, holding up the $100.00 bill.

"Prentiss, you do realize that nothing in that machine costs $100.00, don't you?" Morgan asked, concerned.

"Of course I knew that. I just wanted people to think that I'm rich."

"But your mother's an ambassador. So you are rich." Morgan said.

"I knew that, too. Just testing you out. So are you going to join the team and I for a snack?"

"Sure, why not?"

* * *

End of chapter seven. Please tell me what you thought. :)


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Nothing in this chapter is mine.

* * *

Chapter Eight

Hotch is Strauss sixth victim.

"Good to see you, Mr. Hotchner. Please have a seat." Strauss said as Hotch entered her office.

"Nice to see you too, ma'am." Hotch said as he sat down.

"I assume you have no idea why you're here. Am I right?" Strauss asked.

"That is correct. Would you mind telling me why I am here?" Hotch asked, lying.

"I need you tell me a secret about each of your team mates. That is why you are here. Okay?"

"Okay, I can do that." Hotch said, agreeing with Strauss.

"Good now let's get started. Tell me something about Emily Prentiss."

"Well, two weeks before she joined the BAU team, she stole a police car, and arrested four people."

Strauss was shocked at what Hotch had told her about Emily.

"Why on earth would she do that?" Strauss asked.

"Because the car only contains five seat belts. And seeing that Prentiss was already driving, there were only four seat belts left." Hotch said, pretending to be dumb.

"No, that's not what I meant. I mean, why on earth would she steal a police car?"

"Oh, right. Sorry, I guess I misunderstood you. She stole a police car because she thinks just because her mom is an ambassador; she can get away with things."

"Well, I bet she didn't get away with that." Strauss said, smiling.

"Actually, she did." Hotch said with a serious look on his face.

The smile had been erased from Strauss face.

"How did she get away with it?"

"All I know is that she stole a police car, arrested four people and got away with it. I don't know how. I guess she was just lucky or something."

"So do you know who the four people were that she arrested?" Strauss asked, sipping a cup of hot coffee.

"Yeah, I know them real well. They were Garcia, JJ, Morgan and Reid."

Strauss was so shocked at what Hotch had just revealed to her, that she didn't realize that the coffee had been poured all over her.

"Are you okay?" Hotch asked.

"Yes, I'm fine. Why did you wait until now to say anything about that?"

"Well, I was married to Haley and Jack was just a baby at the time! And I thought that if I told, then someone would take my wife and kid away from me!" Hotch said in a panicked voice.

"Whoa! Calm down. I was just asking. Let's move on to the next person. What can you tell me about David Rossi?"

"Well, every Wednesday before school starts, he takes lunch money from the students."

"Oh, I think that is the cruelest thing anyone could do to a child. Why does he do that?" Strauss asked, sounding disgusted.

"Because he needs the money for payments on the house he bought a few years ago." Hotch said, as if he were stating a fact.

"But he writes books. Why doesn't he just use the money that he makes from selling books, for the house payments?"

_"Holy hell, lady. How many damn questions do you plan on asking me today?" _Hotch thought to himself.

"Because he claims that his book selling money is for his retirement plan." Hotch revealed.

"I guess there are just some people, who I'll never understand. Anyway, what can you tell me about Penelope Garcia?"

"She has conversations with the mannequins at the clothing stores."

Strauss gave Hotch a strange look.

"When did you discover this secret?"

Hotch pretended to be thinking for a few moments, before answering Strauss.

"About five months ago, when Jack told me."

"Wait, how did Jack find out about Penelope's secret?"

"Well, Garcia was taking him shopping one day. Jack had picked out an outfit, and Garcia just walked up to the mannequin and asked for its opinion of the outfit that Jack had chosen. She got pissed off, when the mannequin wouldn't answer her."

"What did she do then?" Strauss asked, with a "this is going to be good" look on her face.

"She asked it why it wouldn't answer her. And she told it that she thought it was very rude for not answering her. After about three minutes, the security guards escorted her and Jack out of the building."

"I hope your son wasn't traumatized by any of it."

"Oh no, not at all. He said it was the most fun, he's ever had."

"Well, that's odd. Anyway, what can you tell me about Spencer Reid?"

"If I tell you, will you promise not to get mad?"

"Of course I promise not to get mad. Now what is Spencer Reid's secret?"

"He thinks you're a guy, dressed in drag."  
"He thinks I'm a what?" Strauss said, getting angry.

"Hey! You promised you wouldn't get angry! You broke the promise!" Hotch said.

"Well, why in the hell, does he think that of me?"

"If you're just going to scream at me, then I'm not going to answer you."

"Okay, I'll calm down. Now please tell me why Reid thinks that about me." Strauss said, calming down.

Hotch waited for a few seconds, to make sure Strauss was calm.

"The only reason why he thinks you're a guy is because he claims that you wear way too much make-up."

"But my make-up never shows. I always put it on light." Strauss said, confused.

"I know. I agree with you, but I guess Reid is one of those people with a different opinion."

"Well, that boy has always been strange. Moving on, what can you tell me about Jennifer Jareau?"

"She bought a dog house, and makes Will sleep in it every night."

"Oh, that poor man. Why on earth does she do that?"

"Because she blames him for all the pain she went through, during the birth of Henry."

"Well, do you know how long he has to sleep in the dog house, before he is allowed to sleep in the house?"

"The day that Henry turns three years old, is the day that Will gets to sleep in the house, again."

"JJ seems like an evil person. Anyway, let's get to our final victim. What can you tell me about Derek Morgan?"

"Every time we all go to a restaurant, he tells them that it's his Birthday."

"Why does he do that for?" Strauss asked concerned.

"Because he wants a free Birthday cake, plus when you tell a restaurant that it's your birthday, they'll also give you a crown. He says the crown makes him feel like "The King of the B.A.U." Even though it's just a paper crown."

"My son tried that once, and I grounded him for two weeks." Strauss said.

"Mrs. Strauss, how you punish your son, is not some way I'm going to punish Morgan. Grounding someone for two weeks is the most cruel and unusual punishment." Hotch said as if he were angry with Strauss."

"Mr. Hotchner, how is grounding someone for two weeks a cruel and unusual punishment?" Strauss said confused.

"I don't know, but it just is. I have my opinions and you have yours."

"I can agree with you on that. Well, we are done here. You may go now. Thanks for your time." Strauss politely said.

"You're welcome and thanks for having me here." Hotch said politely back at Strauss, as he left the office.

As soon as he was out the door, he was surrounded by his team.

"So, what did you tell her?" Rossi asked, concerned.

"Well, she wanted to know a secret about each of you, and that's what I told her." Hotch said.

"Oh my God, I never thought I'd live to see the day, when you become disloyal to your own team." Morgan said.

"This is just like the time when Gideon left us." Reid said.

"What is she paying you like a thousand dollars or something, just to get information on each of us?" JJ asked.

"I know I won't be sending you a Christmas card this year." Garcia said.

"What gives you the right to stab each of us in the back?" Prentiss asked.

"You're lucky I don't send the mob after you." Rossi said.

"Okay, all this jumping to the wrong conclusion has got to stop. Can I tell you what I really said to her in there?" Hotch asked.

"Sorry Hotch. Please continue." Rossi said.

"Thank you Rossi. Now here's what I told Strauss; Prentiss once stole a cop car and arrested JJ, Morgan, Garcia and Reid. Garcia talks to the mannequins in clothing stores. Morgan goes to restaurants and tells them that it's his birthday. Rossi goes to the school and takes the students lunch money every Wednesday. JJ forces Will to sleep in a dog house every night. And Reid is convinced that Strauss is a man dressed in drag."

"Let me guess. She believed you, right?" Reid asked.

"You guessed right, Reid." Hotch said.

"Oh thank God!" Morgan exclaimed.

"Sorry to have jumped to the wrong conclusions, Hotch." JJ apologized.

"It's all alright. Just don't let it happen again." Hotch said.

* * *

End of Chapter eight. Please tell me what you thought. :)


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I only own the baby's false name in this chapter. Except for the last name, I don't own that. And nothing else in this chapter is mine, either.

* * *

Chapter Nine

Rossi is Strauss' final victim.

"Good evening Mr. Rossi. Please have a seat." Strauss said.

"Good evening to you too, ma'am. And thank you." Rossi said as he sat down.

"Do you know why you are here?" Strauss asked.

Rossi pretended to be thinking for a few moments, before answering.

"Nothing really comes to my mind, as to why I am here. Do you mind telling me why I am here?" He asked.

"Of course I don't mind. You're here because I need you to tell me a secret about each of your team mates. Do you think you can do that?"

"I'm pretty sure I can do that. When shall we get started?"

"Right now. What can you tell me about Aaron Hotchner?"

"He thinks you're his mother."

"What? Are you kidding?" Strauss asked, shocked.

"No, I'm not kidding."

"Well, why does he think that I'm his mother?"

"Because both of your names sound the same. Erin and Aaron."

"Just because our names sound the same, it doesn't mean that we are mother and son."

"I know. That's what we all tried telling him, but he doesn't believe us."

"Well, maybe he'll believe you all soon that I am not his mother. What can you tell me about Jennifer Jareau?"

"Her son's name is actually, Alfredo Chipotle Frijoles De La Pasta LaMontagne."

"Oh my God. That is the most ridiculous name I have ever heard of." Strauss said, rolling her eyes.

_"Well, you are the most ridiculous person I have ever seen."_ Rossi thought to himself.

"I know. Even Will is embarrassed by the name, but JJ thinks it's the most wonderful name in the world."

"Wait, why does everyone call the baby, Henry?"

"Oh because that's the baby's nickname. JJ calls him Henry because she claims that it's short for Alfredo."

"No, I don't think its short for Alfredo. I think Al or Fred is short for Alfredo, but not Henry."  
"I know, that's what we all tried telling her, but you know JJ. You can't argue with her because she's always right and you're wrong."

"Seems to me, Jennifer Jareau acts like a "know it all." What can you tell me about Spencer Reid?"

"About a year ago, he was kicked out of Disney World."

"Why? What happened?" Strauss asked, seeming interested.

"He beat up Mickey Mouse."

"Oh my God! I love Mickey Mouse! Why would he do that?" Strauss asked, shocked.

"Everyone, except Reid loves Mickey Mouse. He did it because he got tired of finding Mickey Mouse's children in his house." Rossi said.

"He got tired of finding Mickey Mouse's children in his house? I don't know what you mean by that."

"Well every mouse that Reid see's in his home, he believes its Mickey Mouse's child."

"That boy has got some major problems. Oh well, what can you tell me about Derek Morgan?"

"He never made it to his high school graduation."

"Really, why not?"

"Well, actually he was there, but he got tired of waiting for his diploma."

"How long was he there, before he left?"

"About ten minutes. Morgan does not have the patience to wait for anything."

"Wow, I can see if he had been waiting for three hours, but ten minutes. That's just ridiculous." Strauss said in amazement.

"I know. I totally agree with you. So who's next?" Rossi asked.

"Hmmm… What can you tell me about Emily Prentiss?"

"She is convinced that her mother is the lady who played Sabrina Duncan in the television series, "Charlie's Angels."

"Oh my God! Doesn't she realize that the lady, who plays Sabrina Duncan, is named Kate Jackson, not Elizabeth Prentiss?" Strauss asked, laughing in disbelief.

"Apparently she never reads the credits when the theme song plays at the beginning of every episode. But I can see why she gets them mixed up. They do look alike."

"Yeah, I guess you're right about that. Elizabeth Prentiss and Kate Jackson could pass as twins. I just hope Emily realizes soon, that they are not the same person."

"I hope so too. So shall I tell you something about Garcia, now?"

"Yes, what can you tell me about Penelope Garcia?"

"This is kind of embarrassing for her, but she can't count past ten." Rossi said, pretending to be embarrassed.

"Wow that is embarrassing. Why can't she count past ten?" Strauss asked.

"Because she never learned."

"Well isn't the school supposed to teach children how to count?"

"Yeah, but every time Garcia would count to ten, her parents would pick her up, before she could count any farther."

"It seems like her parents knew exactly when she was learning how to count."

"That's how it seems to me. Maybe she'll get past ten one of these days. So are we done here?"

"Yes, we're done here. Thank you very much for sharing all that information with me. Have a nice day, Mr. Rossi."

"You're welcome. And thank you for having me here. Have a nice day too, ma'am." Rossi said, as he was leaving Strauss' office.

When Rossi stepped out the office, he was surrounded by his team mates, wanting to know what he told Strauss.

"So what did you tell her?" Reid asked.

"I told her a secret about each of you. And no, it was not the one's you all revealed to me. They were all false secrets. So no jumping to the wrong conclusion, this time."

"Well, since we can't jump to the wrong conclusions, then I want a hundred dollars." Prentiss said.

"You're kidding, right?" Rossi asked.

"Does it look like I'm kidding? Either give me a hundred dollars or I'm jumping to the wrong conclusion." Prentiss said, with a serious look on her face.

"Okay fine, here." Rossi said, as he handed Prentiss a hundred dollar bill.

"Thank you!" Prentiss delightfully screamed as she took the money.

"Wait a minute, if you're giving this spoiled little brat, a hundred dollars, then you have to give the rest of us a hundred dollars too." JJ said.

"Uh, Garcia are you going to let JJ call you that?" Prentiss asked, thinking that JJ was calling Garcia a spoiled brat, instead of her.

"Uh, sweetie, JJ was calling you a spoiled brat. Not me." Garcia politely said to Prentiss.

"Oh, Okay! Love you too, JJ."

"Right back at you, Emily. So Rossi, are you going to give the rest of a hundred dollars, or am I going to have to beat it out of you?" JJ asked, threatening Rossi.

"Rossi, I can tell you right now, she isn't lying, so just do what she says. And no one will get injured." Reid said, sounding frightened.

"Yeah, just do what she says." Hotch, Prentiss, Morgan, and Garcia all said in agreement.

"I can see that you all look terrified. So I'll just do what she says." Rossi said, as he gave the rest of his team a hundred dollars.

"Rossi, on behalf of the team, thank you very much." JJ said, pleased that she got her way.

"You're welcome."

"Hey, that's not fair. I didn't get a hundred dollars!" Prentiss said, whining.

"Emily, you were the first person that I gave…"

Before Rossi could finish what he was saying, he was interrupted by Morgan.

"Rossi, let me handle this. Hey Prentiss, can I see your wallet for a minute?" Morgan asked.

"Sure, here you go." Prentiss said, handing her wallet to Morgan.

Morgan took the one hundred dollar bill out of Prentiss' wallet and handed it to her.

"Here you go. Now you have two hundred dollars."

"Yay! Thank you. I'm rich now!" Prentiss said, excitedly.

The team just stared at her.

"I wonder how she got a job here." Garcia whispered to Reid.

"Her mom probably paid her way into it." Reid whispered back.

"So why are we whispering?" Prentiss asked in a whispering voice to Garcia and Reid.

Garcia and Reid knew that they had been busted. So they thought of a way to get out of it.  
"Um… We were just talking about how beautiful the weather is today." Reid said, frightened.

"Yeah, that's exactly what we were talking about." Garcia said, agreeing with Reid.

"Oh, Okay!" Prentiss said.

"So Rossi, I was just wondering. Exactly what did you tell Strauss about each of us?" Morgan asked, curious.

"Well I told her, Hotch believes that she is his mother because their first names sound the same. Morgan never graduated high school because he got tired of waiting for his diploma. JJ's son's name is actually Alfredo Chipotle Frijoles De La Pasta LaMontagne. Reid got kicked out of Walt Disney World, for beating up Mickey Mouse. Garcia can't count past ten. And Prentiss is convinced that her mother is the woman who played Sabrina Duncan on Charlie's Angels."

The team stared at him in silence for a few moments.

"Let me guess. She believed you." Hotch said, smiling.

"Yep, you guessed right."

"Well, seeing that she believed the rest of us, that doesn't really surprise me." JJ said.

* * *

End of chapter nine. Please tell me what you thought. :)


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing.

* * *

Chapter Ten

It's finally here. Strauss confronts the team about their "secrets."

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Please have a seat." Strauss said to the seven team members who had just arrived in her office.

"Good evening, ma'am." The team said, together as they all sat down.

"I assume you all know why I called you in here, right?"

"Yes, we know why you called us in here. You found out some information on the seven of us." Rossi answered.

"That is correct. Now let's get started. Agent Morgan, if you don't mind, we'll start with you."

"Of course I don't mind." Morgan said.

"Great. First, I've been told that you enjoy playing with dolls. Then I've been told that you have five children by four different women. It has also been revealed that your father is Chinese, even though you're African-American. Your six pack abs are actually painted on. Every time you go to a restaurant, you tell the employees that it's your birthday. And you never received your high school diploma. Is that correct?"

"Yes ma'am. Do you want proof?" Morgan asked.

Strauss thought for a few minutes before answering.

"If you can prove three things to me, then that would be great." She answered.

"Alright then. Here is a picture of me and my father when I was five." Morgan said, as he handed Strauss a picture that was obviously photo shopped, unknown to Strauss.

"Hmm… He looks like a handsome man." Strauss said, as she examined the photo closely, before handing it back to Morgan.

"Thank you. How would you like to meet my children?"

"You mean your kids are here?" Strauss asked, shocked.

"Yeah, they wanted to see what my job was like. They're right outside the door. Do you want to see them or not?"

"Well, yes of course. Bring them in."

Morgan got up and opened the door, when five children came rushing towards him.

"Daddy!" All of them, but Destiny shouted because she was obviously too young to speak.

The three oldest children were actually amateur actors and actresses. The two youngest two had modeled for a small town baby magazine cover.

"Hello, kids!" Morgan said as he picked up Destiny from Dereka and embraced the children with a hug.

"Daddy, why is that strange lady over there looking at us?" Dante asked pointing at a shocked Strauss.

"Because she just found out that I have children. Her name is Mrs. Strauss. Can you all say hi to her?" Morgan asked the children.

"Hi, Mrs. Strauss." The four oldest children said.

"Hi." Strauss said.

"Daddy, can I fix her hair?" Dereka asked, excitedly.

"Sure you can." Morgan said.

"Agent Morgan, I really don't think…"

Before Strauss could finish what she was saying, nine year old Dereka was behind her, styling her hair.

"Hold still, Mrs. Strauss or you're going to make me mess up." Dereka said, as Strauss tried to get away from the child.

"Agent Morgan, please get your daughter away from me." Strauss demanded.

"Okay, fine! You don't have to be so bossy and rude. Besides I'm already done. Your hair looks very pretty." Dereka said as she held up a mirror in front of Strauss.

Strauss was shocked at what she saw in the mirror. It looked like a rat had crawled in her hair, and built a nest.

"Um, excuse me, but do you know how to say thank you?" An irritated Dereka asked.

"Daddy, why isn't Mrs. Strauss saying thank you to Dereka?" Dante asked.

"Oh, she just loves her hair so much, that she doesn't know what to say about it." Morgan said, lying.

"So she's not mad?" Desmond asked.

"No, of course not."

"Good because she better not be." Derek Jr. said.

"Believe me. She ain't mad." Morgan said, laughing.

"Agent Morgan, please stop laughing and show me proof of your third secret." Strauss angrily demanded.

"Okay, Okay. Sheesh, no need to get all hostile. Oooh a Barbie doll!" Morgan screeched as he took the doll from Dereka.

"Hey, that's my doll, daddy!" Dereka shrieked.

"Well, you need to learn how to share." Morgan said, playing with the doll."

"And you need to learn how not to take things from other people." Dereka Said.

"Hi, I'm Barbie. What's your name?" Derek asked in a mimicking voice of Barbie.

"I think I've seen enough, agent Morgan. The children may go now. Thank you very much." Strauss said, as she watched Morgan play with the doll.

"You got to be kidding me. I was about to introduce myself to Barbie, and now I have to give her back to my daughter. Fine, here take her. Morgan said, handing the doll to Dereka.

"Thanks daddy." Dereka said as she took the doll.

"Have a nice day, kids." Morgan said as the children walked out the door.

"Wow… that was unusual. Moving on. Agent Rossi, we'll start with you next. If it's alright?" Strauss asked.

" Sure, I don't see why not. You're going to get to me eventually. Might as well be now." Rossi answered.

"Great ok. I've been told that you enjoy prank calling people. You believe you are a leprechaun and are convinced that someone is trying to steal your gold. You pay someone else to write your books for you. You're afraid of butterflies. You bought every single ticket to the next Hannah Montana concert. And you take lunch money from children. Is all that true?"

"Yes ma'am. Every word of it is true. See, here are all the Hannah Montana concert tickets for next week. Rossi said, as he showed Strauss "fake" Hannah Montana tickets. But Strauss obviously couldn't tell the difference between real and fake.

"Wow, you must really be a huge fan of Hannah Montana. So what are you other two proofs?"

"Just a minute please. I'm on the phone." Rossi said as he was talking to someone on the phone. "Hello is this Mr. Zamala." Rossi asked, trying to keep a straight face.

(Pause)

"Well, Mr. Zamala, congratulations! You have just won a brand new car!"

(Pause)

"I can see that you're very excited. Would you like to know why you won?"

(Pause)

"Because apparently you're the world's dumbest idiot! I can't believe you actually fell for that!" Rossi said as he hung up the phone and began laughing hysterically.

"Agent Rossi, I can't believe you did that to that poor man." Strauss said, disgusted.

"He'll get over it." Rossi said, still laughing.

"Ma'am, let me handle this." JJ said. "Hey Rossi. Look at this."

"Oh, my God! Get it away! Get it away!" Rossi screamed at the live butterfly in the jar that JJ was holding, just inches from his face.

"The scary butterfly's going to eat your face off." JJ said, teasing.

"Mrs. Strauss, please tell JJ to get that monster away from me!"

"Alright Agent Jareau, you've punished him enough. Please stop scaring him." Strauss said.

"Yes, ma'am." JJ said as she put the jar away.

"Thank you ma'am." Rossi said, now calmed.

"You're welcome. Okay next person. Agent Garcia, let's go with you now."

"Yes ma'am. Fine with me." Garcia happily said.

"Alright then, I've been told that you drink your coffee with alcohol. You punched a girl for "stealing your style." You pour mud on all the floors of your house, to keep away the "evil spirits." You have an imaginary dog named, Frisco. You also talk to mannequins. And you can't count past ten. Is that all correct?"

"Yes ma'am. Ooh coffee! Can I have some please?" Garcia asked.

"Sure, help yourself."

"Thank you!" Garcia said, as she poured herself a cup of coffee, and then took out a flask from her purse. "I love alcohol with coffee! Keeps me awake!" Garcia exclaimed as she poured the alcohol into the cup and drank it. The flask actually had water in it, but Strauss didn't know that.

"Wow, so how long have you drunk your coffee with alcohol?" Strauss asked shocked.

"Hmm… I believe since I was 15."

"Did you say, fifteen?"

"Yes, ma'am. Why?"

"Oh, I was just wondering."

"Alright then. There's nothing wrong with just wondering. Oh, my God! Frisco, stop peeing on Strauss' leg! Bad dog! Ma'am I am so sorry about that. He's house trained, but apparently he's not office trained, yet. If I had known that he's was going to do that, I wouldn't have brought him here." Garcia said, apologizing.

Strauss didn't know what to say or think.

"I'm okay." Was all she could manage to say to Garcia.

"I am so embarrassed now. I can't believe… Oh my God! That bitch is wearing my style! Hey you, get back here!" Garcia screamed as she ran toward the door.

"Oh, dear. I don't think this is going to end well." Strauss said, concerned about the girl who stole Garcia's "style."

"I can say that we all agree with you. I feel bad for the poor girl that Garcia is going after." Hotch said.

"I just hope Garcia doesn't do too much damage to her. That last girl was…" Reid was about to say before Garcia walked back into the room. "Never mind."

"Sorry about that, everyone. I just hate it when others try to steal my style. Anything else, ma'am?" Garcia asked.

"No, nothing else. Thank you Agent Garcia. I think we should move onto our next person. Agent Jareau, is it alright if we go with you next?"

"Sure, fine with me." JJ said.

" Great, okay then. I've been told that you dress your son in girl's clothes and enter him in beauty pageants. You show up at parties, uninvited for free food. Agent Reid is actually the father of your son. You cover your son in green paint because you want an alien baby. You force Will to sleep in a dog house because you blame him for all the pain you went through, during the birth of your son. And your son's name is actually Alfredo Chipotle Frijoles De La Pasta LaMontagne. Is that all accurate?"

Yes ma'am. And in fact, my husband and son are right outside your door waiting to come in." JJ said.

"Well, bring them in. Don't leave them out there, all day." Strauss said.

"Yes ma'am. Emily could you please open the door and let my husband and son in?"

"Sure." Emily said, as she open the door, allowing Will and Henry to walk in.

"Thanks Emily. Hello everyone." Will said as he walked over to JJ.

Sure enough, Henry was covered in green paint and wearing a blue pageant dress with green lipstick.

"Alfredo! Mommy missed you so much!" JJ said, hugging her son.

Strauss had the "you have got to be kidding me look on her face," as she stared at JJ.

Wow, I think I've seen enough of this. Let's just move onto the next agent. Agent Reid, we'll go with you. Is that alright?"

"Sure, but could you wait just a minute? I have something to say." Reid said.

"I guess I could wait for a minute." Strauss said.

"Thank you. JJ, Now that I just found out that Henry or Alfredo is my son; I want his last name to be changed to Reid."

"Eww, are you crazy there is no way that I'm calling my son "Alfredo Chipotle Frijoles De La Pasta Reid." It doesn't have a nice ring to it. LaMontagne sounds fancier."

"Are you saying that this isn't my son?" Will asked, playing along.

"Thanks a lot, Reid. You just ruined my gift for Will for our one year anniversary next month. Now I have to find another gift for him." JJ said, irritated.

"You were going to tell me that this baby isn't my son, as an anniversary present?" Will asked, shocked and hurt.

"Yes Will, keep up with us."

Thinking that things may get out of hand, Strauss interrupted.

"Agent Reid, I really think we should continue with you."

"Sorry ma'am. You may continue." Reid said.

It's alright. So I've been told that your bed room wall is decorated with posters of Disney Princesses. You believe the Sandman is real and is out to get you. You pretend to be Batman. You're able to quote every chick flick that has been made. You think I'm a guy, dressed in drag. And you were kicked out of Disney World, for beating up Mickey Mouse. Am I right?"

"Yes sir. I mean ma'am. I mean sir. Seriously Strauss, lighten up on the makeup. You probably have on about 10 pounds of makeup.

"Agent Reid, I'm barely wearing any makeup." Strauss said, irritated.

"Whoa! No need to go all hostile on me. I was just stating what I believed. Sorry for offending you." Reid apologized.

"I forgive you. Just don't let it happen again."

"Yes ma'am. Dammit, there go another one of Mickey Mouse's children." Reid said, pointing at an imaginary mouse that just ran past his feet.

"How is that possible? There's never been a single mouse in this whole building. This has got to be the cleanest building in this city." Strauss said.

"Well, there's a first for everything." Reid answered.

"I guess you're right. So is there anything else you would like to share, Agent Reid?"

Without answering, Reid stripped off his clothes and beneath his clothes, was a Batman suit. He then slipped a Batman mask over his eyes. And jumped on top of Strauss' desk.

"Batman to the rescue!" He screamed.

"Agent Reid, get off my desk! This is embarrassing." Strauss rudely said.

Reid quickly jumped down from the desk. But in Reid's mind, he flew off the desk.

"Sorry ma'am. I was just trying to save everyone."

That's alright. What were you trying to save us from?"

"Any danger that may come this way. Don't hurt to always be prepared."

"Oh alright then. Let's move onto the next person. Agent Hotchner, do you mind?" Strauss asked.

"No, not at all." Hotch replied.

"Great, alright then. I've been told that when you're not working at the BAU, you're a stripper and your name is "Mr. Hotness on Fire." You scream like a girl, when you see a mouse. You dig holes in the neighbor's back yard, and blame their dog for it. You and your brother dress up as two of The Spice Girls and sing, "Wannabe." You get excited when a store get's a new Barbie Doll on the shelves and because of that, you start jumping up and down and screaming like crazy. And you think I'm your mother. Is everything accurate?"

Yes, mother. Everything is accurate." Hotch said.

"Agent Hotchner, just because our names sound the same, it doesn't mean that I'm your mother."

"Yes it does. Now if you don't mind, I'd like to bring my son in. He's just outside that door."

"Of course I don't mind. Bring him in."

Thank you. Jack, get in here!" Hotch shouted.

The door slowly opened, revealing Jack Hotchner.

"Grandma!" Jack shouted as he ran up to Strauss and hugged her.

"Agent Hotcher, please get your son off of me!" An angry Strauss demanded.

"Jack, please let go of Grandma. She's not as strong as she used to be. She's getting old. You wouldn't want to break any of her bones, would you?" Hotch asked.

"No daddy. Sorry Grandma." Jack said, playing along with his dad.

"I'm fine Jack." Strauss said.

"Daddy, I brought you a present."

"You did? What is it?"

Without answering, Jack took a mouse out of his back pack and showed it to Hotch.

Hotch began to scream like a girl.

"Okay, Okay I'm sorry. I'll put it back. No need to act like a big baby." Jack told his dad, as he placed the mouse back in his back pack. "There you go, Strauss Mouse. Daddy didn't mean to scare you. He's just afraid of you."

"You named that mouse after me?" Strauss asked disgusted.

"Yes Grandma. I named him after you. My favorite Grandma."

"Oh, I was just wondering. And remember I'm not you Grandma."

"That's not what Daddy told me."

"Well your daddy is wrong."

"I would argue with him if I were you. This could go on all night." Hotch said.

Strauss agreed with Hotch and stopped arguing with the child.

"Hey Hotch, someone just send me a text saying that there's a new Barbie Doll on the shelves at the store." Prentiss said.

"What? Let me see!" Hotch excitedly exclaimed.

Prentiss showed the text message to Hotch, and he began jumping and screaming.

"I have got to have that! Is this meeting almost over? That doll could be sold out in less than five minutes. This an emergency!"

"Not, again. This always happens every time there's a new Barbie Doll. Daddy don't worry, it'll still be there when we leave." Jack said.

"No, it won't. I need that doll now." Hotch whined.

"The meeting should be over in about 30 minutes. Then you can go and get your Barbie Doll." Strauss said.

"Thank you, mom!" Hotch happily shouted.

"Please don't call me that. And finally, Agent Prentiss, I'm sure you've been waiting for your turn.

"Yeah, I've been waiting for five years now. It's about damn time!"

"No, you have not been waiting for five years. You've only been waiting for about two hours."

"Great, now I'm embarrassed. So what do you want?" Prentiss asked, pretending to be embarrassed.

"Well, I've been told that you throw a fit every time the team doesn't buy you something at a store in each location for a case. You once posed as me, and fired a few people here. You order Happy Meals at McDonald's instead of adult meals because you think you deserve to have every McDonald's toy that has ever been made. When you receive a pay check, you asked for all of it in pennies. Two weeks before you joined the BAU, you stole a police car and arrested Agents Morgan, Jareau, Garcia and Reid. And you are convinced that you mother is the woman who played Sabrina Duncan on the television series, "Charlie's Angels." Is that all correct?"

"Yes ma'am. Everything is correct. Now I need to make a quick phone call. It's important." Prentiss said, as she began randomly pushing buttons. "Hello, Agent Anderson? This is Erin Strauss, and I regret to inform you that this is your final day on the job. So pack up your bags, hug everyone who walks by you, and walk out the doors that lead to the outside. You know the part with the cars and all that other outside stuff. It's been a pleasure having you here. I wish you the best in all your future endeavors." Prentiss said as she hung up the phone.

Strauss stared at her in shock. "I can't believe you just did that." She said.

"I'm just doing my job, ma'am. Check out this photograph of me and the team, a few years back." Prentiss said as she showed Strauss a photograph.

In the photograph were Prentiss, Reid, Garcia, Morgan and JJ all standing by a police car. And everyone except Prentiss were hand cuffed. They were all smiling too.

"Why is everyone wearing the same outfit that they're wearing today?" Strauss asked, suspicious.

"Because today is the fifth year anniversary for that. So everyone thought that it would be special to wear the same outfit from five years ago."

"Oh, alright then."

"Do you want to see my mom on TV? I bought the DVD." Prentiss said, holding up a "Charlie's Angels" DVD in front of Strauss' face.

"I suppose we could see one scene. Go ahead and place it in the DVD player."

"Alright then!" Prentiss said as she placed the DVD into the player and pressed play. "See, she's right there! That's my mom! Hi mom!"

"Agent Prentiss, thank you for sharing that with us. Now please remove the DVD from the player."

Without saying a word, Prentiss removed the DVD from the player.

For the next few minutes, everyone is silent, until Agent Anderson storms into the room.

"Mrs. Strauss, Why? I need this job!" He demanded.

"It wasn't me. Agent Prentiss was pretending to be me and fired you." Strauss said, defending herself.

"Quit blaming Miss Prentiss for your mistakes. She's too nice to do something like that." Anderson said, playing along with the team. Now I have to go and find another job. Need to support the family somehow." Anderson quickly left the office.

"Wow, he left before I could even explain." Strauss said in amazement. "Is there anything else you all would like to say to me?"

The team was silent for a few moments.

"Actually, yes there is something. We all lied to you." Hotch said.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I have 37 traffic tickets." Hotch said.

"I beat up a 16 year old girl when I was 12." JJ revealed

"I spiked the punch at my senior prom." Morgan chimed in.

"I cheated on a test, during the ninth grade." Garcia said.

"I stole $5000.00 from my next door neighbor when I was ten." Reid quietly said.

"I kidnapped my Grandmother's cat and held it for ransom." Rossi revealed.

"And I'm perfect. Shame on all of you." Prentiss said, disappointed with her team.

Everyone stared at her.

"Alright fine. I'm not perfect. I stole a $75000.00 painting from a museum." Prentiss finally revealed.

Strauss was silent for a moment.

"That is the most unbelievable stuff I have ever heard. You guys are all liars. No one will believe that. Now I must call head quarters and tell them everything about you."

"Ma'am we really was telling the…" Reid was about to say before Rossi interrupted him.

"Reid, just let her do what she wants. You can't argue with her."

The team sat there silently listening to Strauss tell their "secrets" over the phone to head quarters.

"Well, head quarters are on their way over here to deal with all of you. So don't go anywhere." Strauss said with an evil smirk across her face.

15 minutes later…

Two large muscular men walk in the office, holding a straight jacket.

"Erin Strauss, you're going to have to come with us."

"What are you talking about? I didn't do anything wrong. It's all of them" Strauss said, pointing at the team.

"Now we can do this the easy way or we can do this the hard way. It's your choice, ma'am." One of the guys said.

Apparently Strauss chose the hard way and fought with them, but they finally got her.

"Have a nice vacation, Strauss! Send us a post card!" Prentiss shouted as she and the team watched Strauss being dragged away.

"So do any of you feel bad about all of this?" Rossi asked.

"Ummm… No, not really." The whole team said.

"Yeah, me neither."

"I really hope she enjoys her vacation. She really deserves it." Prentiss said.

* * *

"Trust the instinct to the end, though you can render no reason." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson.

* * *

So that's the end of the story. Sorry if this last chapter was a little too long. I would like to thank all the readers and reviewers of this story. Hope you all enjoyed it. :)


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